500

According to WordPress, this is my 500th post. I figured it was a good time to celebrate!

I wanted to thank everyone who’s shared this journey with us – new and old friends. I wanted to thank everyone for their advice and support during this roller coaster journey.

Most importantly, I wanted to celebrate the beginning of a new phase for us. Perhaps you’ve noticed a change in tone in this blog. A few months ago things got a bit dark as I went through a rough patch and was in the middle of changing paradigms. But lately I feel as if we’ve entered a new phase and I wanted to celebrate this new phase with this 500th post.

The phase is called acceptance. After 3 years I feel I have finally settled into deep acceptance of our journey. I no longer see a disabled child, I see a beautiful, kind, loving soul. Instead of worrying about his future 80% of the time, I only worry about his future 10% of the time.

I finally see the most important thing, what many people have been trying to tell me since the day he was born: Nathan is a HAPPY soul.

Everyone wants one thing for their children: For them to be happy. Of course as parents we want them to be successful, but most of all, we want them to be happy. We want them to feel good from the inside out. We want them to feel confident, loved, to find joy in whatever they choose to do in their lives.

And a couple of months ago it finally dawned on me, deep in my heart – Nathan is a HAPPY person. He isn’t momentarily happy, he is happy 90% of the time. He displays a deep happiness that shines in his eyes, in his very being. Regardless of his limitations, regardless of the fact that he cannot do anything for himself – he is happy. And I finally realized – Nathan has NOW what I want more than anything in the world for him.

Part of me held on to the thought – he may be happy now, but will he be happy in 2 years when other kids are doing XYZ and he can’t? Will he be happy when he’s 20 and unable to tell the woman he likes how he feels?

And then a couple of months ago I decided – ENOUGH. Why worry about a future that may never happen? I’d rather look at the child in front of me now and enjoy his happiness and deal with the future when it comes. Why not be positive and think that regardless of his limitations, he will be happy with whoever he is and whatever he can do?

So in this 500th post, in 500 words – I am grateful. I fully accept my son. I feel very fortunate to have this incredible happy soul in my care, in my life. I must’ve done something right to have received the most incredible gift in the world, my gift of God, my Nathan.