A Peaceful Mother Warrior is born.

I found Jason’s blog today and loved the message and attitude of the Drozdyk family. No limits. They will not limit Jason’s opportunities, they will not limit Jason’s future.

It made me realize that I need to have this fierce, clear determination. Like the Drozdyk’s, we want to give Nathan every possible opportunity. We are willing to get ourselves into any debt and financial crisis in order to give Nathan opportunities. We travel the world trying treatments and externally we are doing the best we can for Nathan. Here’s a page on what we’ve done and are doing for Nathan: Therapeutic Approach

But today I realized that what we are lacking is BELIEF.

I read Jenny McCarthy’s new book today “Mother Warriors” and something she said really clicked:

The most powerful tool of a mother who has a child with autism is the power of believing her child will get better. If your mind is consantly second-guessing and questioning the validity of biomedical treatments when so many moms are saying they help, then that is the path you will stay on. You will stay in the unknown. But if you are determined to heal your child and all of your focus is toward that goal, then your path will be with those who have recovered their children. Nowhere else. There is no second-guessing in this direction. There is not trying the diet halfway in this direction. There are NO excuses in this direction. There’s only focus, determination, faith, and a clear vision of the best possible outcome for the child.

Of course Nathan’s not autistic so the situation is slightly different, but the spirit is the same.

Jenny’s book is about Mother Warriors. And I realize that while externally I have acted like a mother warrior, internally I have not had that determination and belief. Part of me had a nihilistic, negative view that no matter what we tried, Nathan wouldn’t really get better. That we were trying because we had to try, but deep down I didn’t believe he could improve. Deep down I didn’t have faith.

And the main reason for this lack of faith is because I wondered, what does it matter? So what if Nathan walks and talks? He’s healthy and happy. What more could I ask for?

But today a genuine Mother Warrrioris born. Today I will stop being afraid to have hope. Today I will know that no matter what happens Nathan is perfect, but I will believe that Nathan has the potential and capacity to learn more. Today I will believe that Nathan can be both healthy and happy AND have some life skills.

Today, I will stop limiting Nathan’s future in my heart and I will see his limitless potential. Not just for gross motor development, but also as a human being to develop more qualities of love and caring.

A couple of weeks ago a wonderful friend gave me the movie “Peaceful Warrior“. What a beautiful message. I have been trying to remember that a peaceful warrior abides in the present, a peaceful warrior “takes out the trash” which is holding on to the past and fear for the future. A peaceful warrior is fully present in the moment, only the moment. A peaceful warrior can work towards a goal while abiding in the present.

So today a Peaceful Mother Warrior is born. One that sets no limits for her child, one who believes in her child’s potential, while accepting who her child is today and loving the child that she beholds in front of her.