A Shift in Paradigm

Perhaps you have watched as our cruise boat has been slowly changing, shifting directions completely. The process of changing from North to South has been dizzying, exciting, terrifying, enlightening – all at once. Perhaps this is what the caterpillar feels as it is undergoing its metamorphosis.

For you to understand our shift of paradigm I have to talk about many pieces of the puzzle. I can’t tell you what our new paradigm is if there are pieces of the puzzle missing. So for this next week I will share one piece of the puzzle every day, and in a few days, I’ll put them all together.

Today’s piece: Dr. Kenny’s Message.

I have shared about our appointments with Dr. Kenny, where every single time she has told me, Nathan is perfect. The first time she said I blindly agreed, of course of course, he’s perfect, sure. It sounds good and I want to believe it, so why not.

The second time I heard it again and I thought, hmmm. Why is she saying this again. So I really tried thinking about it. How can you take a person like Nathan who in a typical sense is as far from being perfect as you can get, and call him perfect? I understood that she was saying that his soul is perfect. And then I got angry. Sure, it’s easy to say he’s perfect when you’re not the one carrying him around and trying to keep all the parts in one place. Sure, it’s easy to say he’s perfect when you’re not the one running around from therapy to therapy and trying to figure out what he needs.

The third time I saw her she said it again and I asked her, why? Why is he perfect? Why do you say that? And she said, it’s because of his energy and what he does to and for others. His energy is very special. He has a very pure, loving energy. Most importantly, look at how much you’ve changed. He makes you be better. He makes me be better. He makes everyone around him be better. Everyone in Nathan’s life has to learn to see beyond appearances and appreciate him for his soul, not for how he compares to others or for what he can’t and can do. What a gift to the world!

I can see that. Being Nathan’s mother has changed me profoundly. I have learned and changed more in my 3.5 years (including gestation) as his mothers than I have in my 29 years! I have become more patient, compassionate, loving, accepting. He has forced me to dig deep into myself, release demons, and find my peace. I can honestly say that simply being Nathan’s mother has helped me transform myself into a better person.

So as part of this piece of the puzzle, I understood that Nathan’s role in this world is different from the role of others. The more I accept and embrace this, the more I can stop trying to make him like other people. He is perfect for his role in this world. Perhaps his body functions differently, but his soul and heart are perfect.

I started contemplating the fact that maybe Nathan has to be the way he is to fulfill his mission. It was only a beginning, and fraught with many fears and doubts, but it got me thinking.

Tommorrow I will talk about the next piece of the puzzle: Less is More, & Timing.