With every passing day I feel more clarity. I understand my role as nathan’s mother.

The first glimmer of clarity came when a friend mentioned, sometimes we have to face reality in order to understand that we do not have control over others, that we can’t change them, that we can only change ourselves. Intellectually, I know this very well, but hearing it again sparked a deep emotional understanding. I was associating my identity and success as a woman and mother with Nathan’s devleopment. I had subconsciously made him my “project”, and I was basing my feelings towards myself on the sucess of my “project” to get Nathan to sit, walk and talk. How foolish.

By understanding this, I feel I can now disassociate my self-image with Nathan’s development, thus removing the expectations that were crushing me. Instead of judging my quality as a mother on Nathan’s development, I should focus on my patience, love and ability to help and support him at every given moment.

Having removed this pressure, I’ve been abale to see that it’s okay for me to wish and pray for Nathan’s development. Wanting Nathan to develop motor skills is simply associated with a mom’s wish for her child to be well, strong and happy. The key is to remove the expectations. By removing the expectations, I can enjoy and accept Nathan at every stage, while helping him to maximize his potential as a human being.

What a relief to have arrived at this conclusion. After my meditation I felt light, joyful, and had a dance party with Nate. He loved it, especially when I danced the “Mapale” for him. He also loved his bath.

Below are some pictures of the bath, of him laughing, and of him at my cousin Anabelles’ birthday party. Enjoy!

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