What if…

…the miracle that we wait and pray for is not for our children to be healed externally, but for us to find peace and healing internally?

What if God/Buddha/Allah gave them to us so we can learn unconditional love, acceptance, patience, compassion?

What if we are missing out on our miracle by focusing on changing/improving our children? Because our miracle is the fact that we have the opportunity to change so deeply, on so many levels? Not just for us parents, but for everyone who comes in contact with children with special needs? Friends, lurkers, therapists, strangers?

What if we got off the “Fix our Children” treadmill and focused more on internal healing for ourselves? Or at the very least, balanced the two?

What if we gave our own internal journey as much importance as our kids external journey?

What if we measured progress by our own rate of spiritual growth instead of what new things our children are doing?

What if our children, in their helplessness and their neediness, are the most supreme and exquisite teachers we will ever meet? That instead of them needing our help, WE are the ones who need THEIRS?

What if we lived in DisabledLand, where every single person was disabled and had limited abilities – would we still want our children to do more? Would the fact that their condition is the “norm” in DisabledLand mean that all of the a sudden they are okay the way they are? Is their condition so difficult to cope with because they are different from everybody else? Is it the comparison that causes the grief?

What if we replaced worry with faith?


  1. WOW!
    What if ?!?
    These are great, thought-provoking questions.

  2. What if we actually have the most natural approach? What if we only want to raise our children to become independent. Maybe we don’t want to change our children to be as others. My aim is to prepare my son for the world that is very often hard, violent, jungle, unfair. I wish he became one independent person.
    Frankly, I thought my son would be like me, million interests and studying a lot. I was prepare to move everywhere he had the best schools. After the birth I cried that I have to accept the only goal and that is his independence. A bit strange for me. I was fighting “only” for independence instead of choosing the university for my child later on, but at the same moment I knew to reach it is more and more difficult than to study Harward and Yalle together.
    Hopefully, you all understand what I have tried to express. My English is not that good. 🙂

  3. Veronica - Lorenzo's Nana says

    Wow Marcela! This is right on where I am at right now! I am expecting a new granddaughter just before Christmas, and all of these what if’s are running through my head, as there is a very high chance that she will have a disability as well. Hugs to Nathan and Bella from Renzo and me!

  4. I love this. I feel the same way! I just wrote about about this same topic on my blog a few days ago! http://carlyandjay.wordpress.com/2010/06/07/realism-accepting-abby/

  5. This is a great post and works so well for me when I’m at home with my family. I feel that life is just perfect in those sweet times when it’s just the four of us.

    But…..today we went to a birthday party for a child 3 months older than Emma. There weren’t any other disabled children at the party. Those parties always hurt and I pray harder that my child is healed and I would happily forgo more lessons that she could teach me so she could go off and be a kid and play with everyone without good old Mom tagging along for everything!

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