A little piece of heaven

Can you tell? Do you see it? The little hand? Pointing at something? A very definitive something?

We are ecstatic. Beyond ecstatic. Thrilled. Overjoyed.

And peanut’s brain? Completely normal thus far. Perfect separation between the hemispheres.

A healthy, overactive, beautiful baby boy. Joy joy joy!

Sometimes if I’m out without the kids I’ll end up striking conversation with strangers. Often the topic will turn to our children and I’ll be asked how many children I have. Proudly I say I have a 4.5 year old, and a 10 month old. Then we start talking about our children, how fun they are, how they keep our lives interesting, etc.

I’ll complete entire conversations like this one, and talk about how much Nathan loves to ride his bike, how addicted he is to TV, how much he loves his sister, how he absolutely loves Disney….I tell them the truth about him. But I will not tell them that Nathan is disabled.

For example. A couple of years ago Owen and I went on a cruise for a weekend. Nathan stayed with my mom. We were assigned a table with a few other couples, so every night at dinner we would all talk, and invariably the conversation would be steered towards our children. We all shared stories about our kids, how wonderful they are, all the little things they do. Owen and I talked about Nathan, but we didn’t feel it was appropriate to tell these strangers that Nathan has a physical impairment. Our intention was never to lie – we never lied as we told them all about Nathan’s personality. But how do you explain to strangers at a dinner table that even though your child can’t do what their kids can, he is amazing and inspiring and wonderful and beautiful and sooo happy and sooo full of love? How can you tell them that even though they can never imagine being happy in a similar situation, that you love your life with your child, and wouldn’t change him for anything? And is it worth the effort, given that it will be a passing interaction, and you will probably never see these people again?

I find it almost impossible to tell people I’ve barely met about Nathan’s disability. Not because I am ashamed, but because I don’t feel I can explain the magnitude of the joy of our lives with Nathan. I can’t, in a few words, explain how much happiness Nathan has brought into our lives, how much we love him, how much he has taught us, how much sheer fun he is.

Even when I try, people think I am in denial or lying, so the obvious typical response is pity. And it’s very difficult to convince people who know us not to feel pity – so how do you convince a stranger?

So I don’t tell them about Nathan’s disability. I tell them about Nathan, but I leave that part out. And it feels like a dirty little secret. It makes me feel terrible not to say it because it is a huge part of who Nathan is. Nathan’s disability has defined our lives, has made us who we are today – in a good way. So why hide something that has brought so much goodness, growth, and happiness?

But how do you get people to understand? And is it appropriate conversation for virtual strangers? Is it something they NEED to know about Nathan, about us?

I would love to know what you think!

I know I’ve been slowing down on posts lately.

I find my life is different these days.

This pregnancy is taking a lot out of me and I spend much of my time exhausted and with severe nausea.

Energy has become my most valued commodity and there is precious little of it. I find myself wanting to conserve this energy as much as possible. To use it for my children and partner. For my own healing journey. To meet my commitments including my work and my clients.

At nights, what used to be my favorite time to blog, is now my “relax” time. I spend time with Owen and we talk, chill, hang out. Or I read books, or I listen to podcasts about inner healing. Or I use the cold laser on myself. Or I use my crystals to bring about further peace and healing. Or I meditate.

I love this blog and know that I will always keep it and cherish it. But today, in this season…well….it is just not a priority. I will write when I have time/desire. I will write when I want to share something. I will write if I make new discoveries.

But I have said so much already. Every time I want to write something, I remember a similar post in the past. So if you find yourself starving for “A little piece of heaven” – check out the archives! Or all the pictures and videos! There are so many pieces of heaven to go around!