A little piece of heaven

…is not a problem any more. We finally sorted that out. Here’s how nathan travels now:

It took a lot of tinkering but we figured out how to get him to sit upright, without his head falling forward or to the sides, without leaning back so much that he startles and freaks out, with something to distract him so he forgets to get mad!

Perseverance pays off 🙂

With every passing day I feel more clarity. I understand my role as nathan’s mother.

The first glimmer of clarity came when a friend mentioned, sometimes we have to face reality in order to understand that we do not have control over others, that we can’t change them, that we can only change ourselves. Intellectually, I know this very well, but hearing it again sparked a deep emotional understanding. I was associating my identity and success as a woman and mother with Nathan’s devleopment. I had subconsciously made him my “project”, and I was basing my feelings towards myself on the sucess of my “project” to get Nathan to sit, walk and talk. How foolish.

By understanding this, I feel I can now disassociate my self-image with Nathan’s development, thus removing the expectations that were crushing me. Instead of judging my quality as a mother on Nathan’s development, I should focus on my patience, love and ability to help and support him at every given moment.

Having removed this pressure, I’ve been abale to see that it’s okay for me to wish and pray for Nathan’s development. Wanting Nathan to develop motor skills is simply associated with a mom’s wish for her child to be well, strong and happy. The key is to remove the expectations. By removing the expectations, I can enjoy and accept Nathan at every stage, while helping him to maximize his potential as a human being.

What a relief to have arrived at this conclusion. After my meditation I felt light, joyful, and had a dance party with Nate. He loved it, especially when I danced the “Mapale” for him. He also loved his bath.

Below are some pictures of the bath, of him laughing, and of him at my cousin Anabelles’ birthday party. Enjoy!

Facing my own fears and insecurities has brought me the greatest gift of all – the ability to experience and enjoy the present.

In the present there is a happy, healthy child. Today I woke up to a child that wakes up with a cooooooo and a smile. Today I bathed a child that loves the water and enjoys being sang to and massged. This afternoon I went to the mall with a child that everyone stops to admire and talk to, a child that engages everyone and brings happiness to all. Most importantly, today I had the opportunity to love and care for an extraordinary being.

This evening I watched The Secret . It was wonderful. It reaffirmed old beliefs that I had somehow lost. It reminded me to ask, believe, accept. It reminded me that I am the architect of my future, and that a building begins in the mind of its architect; my future is created by my beliefs.

And so I’ve come to a profound realization – I can accept the present, while visualizing a different future.

Before, I thought it was paradoxical, to accept and wish for change. I thought that acceptance was stagnant, and by accepting, I closed the window of change.

Now I understand, acceptance is simply a mind that accepts whatever arises in the MOMENT. How can I accept a future that DOESN’T EXIST? I can only accept what arises here and now. At the same time, I can visualize a different future, and have faith in that future.

And with that happy realization I am ready to face this New Year.

Thanks for everyone that’s been praying for us and helping me to come to this profound understanding. As always, I am so grateful.

Now, on to more important things…Nathan’s first haircut!!!

This is before his haircut, at the carrousel:

Just starting to cut his hair (you can tell I’m nervous)

TADA!