Confessions

* Today I went for an OBGYN appointment, and the front desk lady seemed to be on the phone with a social worker regarding a teenage girl that was pregnant. She said, “She seems well put together every time I’ve seen her.” It made me stop and think. Wow. If anybody ever inquired about me, they would surely say I do NOT look put together, that most days I look like I was just spit out of a hurricane. Except now, even the clothes that I wore at the END of my last 2 pregnancies do not fit me. I do not own make-up, I own one black purse which I bought because I can hang it around my neck, I have 1 pair of summer shoes (birkenstocks) and 1 pair of winter shoes (fuzzy merrels). The last time I wore jeans was about 3 months ago, I do not own a blow dryer, I’ve only colored my hair once in my life, I’ve never trimmed my eyebrows and do not even know what sorts of creams I should be using to prevent my skin from wrinkling. Even though the wrinkles are generously appearing. And when this baby is born I am disappearing to fat camp for 2 weeks to get my body back. My butt doesn’t fit into anything and my thighs..well….let’s leave it at that 😉

* I am terrible at staying in touch. As many of you know, many emails to me go into a vortex of silence. I don’t do it on purpose, I swear. Here’s my dilemma. I check emails during the day on my phone. So I KNOW everything that is going on. But I hate typing replies on my phone. It takes SO long! I type inordinately fast on a keyboard, so to type 1 word per min with one finger really pisses me off. So I promise myself I will reply as soon as I’m on my PC. But then generally when I’m on my PC I only do 2 things – work, and write the blog. So emails, txt messages, voicemails, everything else…well….they flitter out of my mind as I juggle responsibilities and determine what I absolutely MUST do on any given day. I’m like a fireman, prioritizing to put out the worst fires, leaving coals to simmer. So to any of you to whom I owe emails or responses – I am so sorry – I didn’t do it on purpose – please forgive me!

* I almost punched my OBGYN today. If you knew me when I was a little girl you know that punching was a very reliable way that I used to deal with difficulties. I’ve tried very hard to outgrow this tendency, but it hasn’t been easy ;-)!!! After waiting 3 hours in the waiting room, I was about 8 years old again and ready for violence. I told him not to expect me again until I am ready to deliver, for I refuse to sit in waiting rooms for more than 1 hour. Today I waited because this was my first OBGYN appointment, other than the 2 screenings I had with the perinatologist. So what do you think – would it be negligence if I showed up at the hospital when I’m ready to deliver this baby?

* Whenever I have to fill out forms at doc appointments, where they ask for marital status, I always have to select “single”. Which is weird after you’ve dated someone for almost 8 years, lived with them for 7, and produced 2.5 children together, and have lived through 80 years of experiences in 8 years. Single, harrumph.

* I am a fake mother. I have to confess I have hardly baked more than a batch of brownies, I have never “made” anything for the kids with my own two hands, I wouldn’t even know how to make a craft with them, I have never made their halloween costumes, and whenever there’s been a party or a teacher appreciation thing or a potluck – I always bring store bought food. I do now know how to knit, cook, I’m the worst “cleaner” you’ve ever seen, and really, the only thing that’s really functional in me is my brain 😉 And that’s hardly functional these days. I do now own a sewing machine, nor a needle, I didn’t even know we owned an iron, and that, only because Owen bought it.

And that’s that for now, my bed and Lucas await.

Restored

Aaahhh…what a couple of days camping can do for your soul!

And here are some pictures of our last 3 days, starting Friday morning:

Does he really have to go to school?

Where are you taking my brother?

Mommy can I go too?

Even Lola comes out to say goodbye to Nathan every morning

Lola thinking of sneaking on the bus…”I wonder if they’ll notice that I’m there???”

Nathan and one of his buddies getting ready to go to school!

Okay fine, I’ll come back inside now.

But since I didn’t get to go to school, you have to let me swing for a LOOOOOOOOONG time!

And this, by the way, is now my dining/class room.

Guess what finally arrived in the mail?

You guessed right…Nathan’s homeschool / preschool curriculum!!! It seems wonderful, so excited to start!

I promise, there really is a little boy under there…with eyes, I swear he has eyes!

Ahhhh…nature…lovely!

Uncle Shon and Izzy going for a stroll

Get this kid away from me please!

This one seems tolerable. Maybe she’ll take me for a walk?

Grandma Charlotte enjoying her 12 grandkids

On Friday night we had 3 adults, 5 kids under 5 (ages 1, 2, 3, and 2 4 year olds), a 9 year old, and 2 180 lb dogs. That was a FULL house!

Just hanging

I’m watching YOU

Best seat in the house!

The Andrew clan … – 1.

This is where the 1 was. Milk drunk.

And if you’re wondering how Nathan is? He had SUCH a good time. He LOVES LOVES LOVES his cousins. He laughed and laughed all weekend. Cried every night when we put him to sleep because he wanted to stay up and play. He ate loads of junk food and went for walks with his cousins and ran around in the pony and cooked hot dogs and marshmallows over the fire and generally had a grand old time. Which was really the whole purpose of the camping trip….Nathan’s enjoyment 😉

The END.

Tired

We’re going camping this weekend. Thinking about it is making me tired.

Getting ready to spend a month in Colombia (we leave next Friday)! Thinking about it is making me tired.

We have some big decisions to make. Regarding Nathan’s education, etc. Thinking about it is making me tired.

Most times I am enthusiastic about all the plates spinning in the air, I feel joy and excitement about moving forward, doing the right thing for everyone around me. Today, I am tired. Today, it feels like too much. Today, I want to hide under the covers of my bed and read a book. Or two or three.

It’s a gentle balance, this whole “living” thing. Push too hard and you pay. I’m paying. Double time.

I’m buried in ToDo’s and sometimes I forget that life is for living, not doing.

7 more days and I will be sipping coconut water on the beach. Eating freshly fished fish. Listening to the waves as they gently splash against the sand. Haggling with the ladies who want to charge too much to massage your feet while you sit back in your lounge chair and chill.

7 more days. 168 hours. 10,080 minutes.

Have a great weekend!