Today Belle is 11 days old. She is alseep on my chest in the ergo baby with the infant insert. I love hearing her breathing softly and feeling the warm baby breath against my heart. I love that I can move around with her tightly cuddled against me.
Talking about moving around. This has been a hard recovery. This C-section HURT. I recovered miraculously fast from my C-section with Nathan. I thought it’d be the same with Belle. Instead I’ve found myself hurting and hurting. I didn’t want to take Vicodin because I am breastfeeding so it’s been super painful. I stopped taking it about a week ago except for one dose before I go to bed – it’s the only way I can sleep, or the pain is just too much. During the day I am using traumeel tabs and traumeel cream. Thank GOD for traumeel. It offers instant relief from the pain.
And talking about pain. A few days ago I took off my bandage..to find a STAPLE still stuck to my skin! The nurse at the hospital forgot one! Can you believe this. She took all the other staples off except for this one that’s been driving me crazy. It’s pretty ridiculous. I have to go in tomorrow to see the doc and have the staple removed.
And talking about pain again…today I was breastfeeding Belle and thinking about how it’s already been 10 days…and found myself remembering the whole birth….and found myself bawling. This C-section sure was painful and traumatic…believe it or not it was far far worse than my surgery with Nathan. Even though I didn’t know if Nathan would survive birth and was told his chance of survival was only 3%, I had prayed so much for so long that my heart was at peace. The actual surgery and experience was peaceful and beautiful – especially when Nathan was born alive and screaming. With Belle everything was so fast and so painful and I wasn’t really ready. I’ll write about the actual birth in another post. The point of this is…it was a traumatic experience…with the most amazing reward…but I sure do need some therapy to get over it.
Now that we’re starting to get into a “groove”…my thoughts are starting to wander back to Nathan’s welfare. There is so much I want to be doing with him…but there is no time! Even if I didn’t have the baby…by the time he gets home from school, has lunch, and naps…he only has a couple of hours to do his therapies and appointments. I am having such a hard time trying to figure out how to set up his schedule. And once again I am wondering about the benefits of school. Is it a waste of time? What is he gaining vs time he is losing? Decisions decisions.
These are the things I’ve got in the works with him:
How do I integrate all of this into his life? Especially when I am mostly taking care of Belle?
I wish I could find nanny McPhee to come and integrate everything I want into Nathan’s life. If only I could find the right person to work with Nathan every day. To implement all of these things, without me having to beg, remind, plead. Is it too much to want? To ask for?
I keep thinking that if I could find a consistent program with Nathan, and repeat stuff over and over and over again, he would be much further along. We’ve started so many things with him, none with consistency. I feel this is the time for consistency. I feel that now we have all of the tools – we’ve explored so much and uncovered the best of the best – now we just need to implement it day after day after day. But how???? Nanny McPhee, are you out there? I am desperate. Please come to me.
These are the times I wish I could open a school/therapy center that incorporates all of these things into the routine. Wouldn’t that be to die for? If I could send Nathan to this “dream center”, and they work all of this into his day… I would be deliriously happy. How to make this happen??!!!
Belle is breathing deeply against my chest. She is the most peaceful, sweet, easy going baby. She squeaks and purrs like a little kitty. The only times she cries is if she’s hungry or if she’s been away from mommy for too long. How can one person fall so deeply and recklessly and so quickly in love…THRICE? Owen…Nathan…now Belle.
This is like my 3rd time on the computer since we got home. Life sure is busy now. I owe a lot of you emails. Please forgive me, I will write when I can .. I am catching up with life..slowly but surely!
Time for sleep…good night.
