A little piece of heaven

From Random

My mom gave me this ornament when we were decorating the nursery for Nathan.  I was around 7 months pregnant with him.

I have looked at this little ornament hanging on the wall next to Nathan’s bed thousands of times.

But it’s only now, today, that I really understand its meaning.

Many of you have watched as I have gone up and down and around on this roller coaster ride.  One day I accept, the next I don’t, the next I’m off chasing a miracle therapy, the next I’m exhausted and done trying, the next I pick myself back up and accept again, the next I’m back where I started.   Even if you just joined us recently, you have watched this most wildest of rides.

But Nathan has taught me, the most stubborn person in the planet, what it means to accept.   I hear him snoring loudly in his sleep and I feel nothing but the deepest of love.  I watch him struggling to hold up his head and I just feel grateful that he has a living head to hold.   I hear him saying his little sounds and I feel like I am hearing the most beautiful music in the world.

Tonight as I was giving Nathan his massage and putting him to bed, I looked over at that little sign on the wall and wondered how anything could be more true in this world.

So for those of you who called or emailed, worried about yesterday’s Belle news – yes, I really AM okay.  I feel nothing but deep deep love for these children, the one born, the one not yet born.  Nathan has taught me to accept even the most imperfect of people.  And how could Belle be anything but perfect?  Down Syndrome, no DS, brown hair, blonde hair, my ugly feet or her dad’s long legs – does any of it really matter?  She is a person, who feels and who breathes and who will laugh and love – what more could anyone want?

Yes, I am okay, truly truly and fully okay.  Well, except I have an annoying cold – that’s my biggest problem right now 😉

I’ve had a few people calling and emailing wanting to know how things went at my appointment with the perinatologist.  The news was…interesting.

The doctor reaffirmed me that her brain looks normal and her anatomy and organs all look great.

However, he did see some white spots in her heart, called echogenic foci spots, which are calcium deposits.  He said that this is one of the soft markers for Down Syndrome.  He showed me a chart and based on my age and other indicators, there is a 1/250 chance that Belle might have Down Syndrome.

He offered me the chance of having an amniocentesis which would give us more definite results, but so far I do not think I will have one.  There is a risk of miscarriage with the amnio, and since the results won’t change anything, it doesn’t seem to be worth the risk.

I am at perfect peace and not one bit upset or worried.  If this is who Belle is meant to be, I welcome her with open arms and loving heart.  Nathan has taught me that every human being, despite their limitations, is special and can bring so much joy to the world. So as a seasoned mother warrior, I have no fear.

There is still a chance that everything is perfect and that Belle doesn’t have any problems, so I am going to stick to Owen’s theory of, “If it’s not a certainty why stress?  I’ll only worry when I have to”.  And even if she is born with Down Syndrome, I don’t feel like I need to stress about that, I know she will be alive and happy and here and my daughter.

I have experienced the extraordinary of prayer. I believe Nathan’s very life is the result of prayer. I have seen times when he was headed for surgery, I asked people to pray, and the next day he was miraculously better. His extraordinary health I believe is the result of people’s prayers. I could go on and on. From personal experience I know without a doubt that Prayer WORKS.

So today I am asking all of you who care about Nathan to please join in the “Head Control for Nathan” prayer campaign. I believe if he could gain head control, a myriad of possibilities would open up to him. I can’t do it alone. He can’t do it alone. We really need your help. Here’s all I ask:

1. Please pray for Nathan’s health and happiness, particularly for his ability to gain head control

2. If you are part of a prayer or church group, please ask them to add Nathan to their prayer list

3. If you have a website or blog, please add the “Head Control for Nathan” button:

<p><a href="http://prayfornathan.org//?page_id=1715">
<img src="http://prayfornathan.org/images/nathan1.jpg" alt="Pray for Nathan" width="190" height="246" border="0">
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4. If you have a Facebook or Twitter account, please link to the Head Control for Nathan page: http://prayfornathan.org//?page_id=1715

I hope that with everyone’s help, Nathan can have gained strong and steady head control by the end of 2010.

We are so grateful for your help and support!!!!